His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
