Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
