i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
