he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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