life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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