My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
bring money and cleavage
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
