Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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