So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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