i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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