just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
