I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
