i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize