My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
