Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
