you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize