At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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