Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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