Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize