i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
When are your genitals available?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
