so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
