My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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