kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Actions speak louder than pants.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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