if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
