the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
