I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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