she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
