Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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