We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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