He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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