i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
