all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She bit a glass in half.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
