i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
No stitches, just platelets and will power
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
