Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
