i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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