Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
