I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
