she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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