when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
All the doctor said was why
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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