Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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