the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
They have beer where we have blood.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
