Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
