What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
