She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
