I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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