I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you traded sex for a burrito?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
