So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
