Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
