now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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