You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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