You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
