I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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