I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
