I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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