Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
