I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
