Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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