Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
