There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
