How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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