Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize