Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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