I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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